Monday, May 23, 2005

To my mom

as i was reading some of the posts about my comments about girls, my mother walked by and stuck a nice juicy strawberry in my mouth. that was nice. but know as i think about it, i was more than nice. mommys are cool. that do all that pregancy stuff to get us into the world, and then they still want to keep us. weird, huh? they change our diapers, cook our meals, get up in the middle of the night when we puke, and answer our questions at the store about why some people are so fat or ugly. they come to our games, concerts, teacher meetings, etc. they put band-aids on as when we get hurt physicallty, and the wrap us in hugs when we get hurt emotionally. they cry when we do wrong, and rejoice when we do right. they still love and pray for us when we disregard them and their standards. they support us in our decisions even though it isn't what they want for us. theytalk to us about our diferences with out saying we are wrong. they challenge us to actually think about the standards we set for ourselves. and we wonder why some people never want to move out (aside from wanting to be a hobo). mothers are awesome. i know it's past mothers day, but its never the wrong time to show our love to our mothers. so mom, if you are reading this, i love you. thanks for still caring after all the heartache tha i have put you through. and when i'm in the navy, i will come home as aften as i can. to see you, not just for your cooking. i love you.

Trig ... or should i say Advanced mathematics?

this exam was one of the hardest exams i have ever taken in my life. first the teacher lady has to give us a bajillion anouncements to take up time. then we had to pray for 10 min. then she talks to us a bout taking during the exam. then our grades. then a possible curve. GIVE ME THE FREAKIN EXAM, ALREADY! I'M FORGETTING STUFF I NEED TO KNOW! but i just bit my tounge till i tasted blood. i swear, there should be a law against women teachers. sorry rebecca. finally we got the exam. with only 50 min to take it instead of 70. so we start taking it and before we know it the bell rings. "ok, hand them in" can we keep working on it if we don't have an exam? "no that wouldn't be fair to those who do" nobody does. "let me make sure.
I HATE THIS CLASS oh well. we finally got to stay and work on it. i think i got an 80% or better. i just hope i get a b in the class. i can't wait till it gets dark tonight to burn my notebook. maybe i'll use lighter fluid. what fun.

Wednesday, May 18, 2005

random stuff

ok. i know i am kind of wierd, but sometimes i amaze myself. i was standing at school, looking at all the paper and books and crap i have in my locker and an awesome thought popped into my mind. 'it would be so cool if i pulled out my lighter and lit my locker on fire' so i told jared. he liked the idea too. i guess we have to wait fot the oppurtune moment. then we started singing a blink 182 song (oh sinful). jared decided to change the words to it. i like his changes. its cool. i like blink 182 - in moderation. anyway, i got to ride in a '05 corvette tonight. it was totally wicked. the guy had got the handling package put on it. dang, that baby could move. it was sweet. i want one. i still think i like firebirds the best. i can't wait to burn my english and trig note books. the two classes that i completely hate. they are stupid classes. the poetry is so dumb. a six year old mentaly retarded kid could do some of the stuff we have been studying. i am being totally serious. it is such a waste of a class period. o could be sleeping or something. i finally got a 95% on a trig notebook check. ok, i am tired of typing.


School is boring, school is dumb
school is a waste and not much fun
lots of rules and stupid books
lots of morons with idiot looks
juniors highers who still do squeek
that think they're cool and really stink
stupid girls that change their moods
based on stuff like drinks and foods
idiot guys that won't shut up
they act like fags and screw stuff up
why twelve years of endless toil
just to get a peice of foil
its all so dumb its all a waste
we're better off to snort tooth paste.

i don't like school.

Friday, May 06, 2005

Human stupidity

DEAR ANNIE: I am a 35-year-old woman with four children, an advanced degree and no serious health problems, but i have compulsively adn secretly been eating crayons for four months. I don't mean chewing on crayon here and there. I mean eating an entire 64-count box, and doing it several times a week. I can't stop, and i don't know why i am doing this. I am too embarassed to tell my doctor, because I know he'll think I am crazy. The box says the crayons are non-toxic, but i'm really eating a lot of them. And this is a dumb questioning, but are they fattening? Why am i doing this? Am I crazy? Please help. -CRAYON FREAK.

Once again, human stupidity slaps us right in the face. This was another article that caught my eye as I worked on my anatomy project. This is so funny. I wonder if crayons are like alcohol - something that you have to develope a taste for. She certainly has. I wonder if there is a difference in flavor between the scented and non-scented. Do they mess her up intestinaly? Does this habit change the color of her saliva? You could do a huge study on this lady about the effects of eating crayons. Someone could hire her as their science fair project. Don't worry, I'm kidding... sort of. This proves once again that mankind as a whole is not getting smarter and more advanced, but is becoming stupid and idiotic. A prime example of brain damage. But oh well, it gave me a good laugh. Hope you can find the humor in it too.

Tuesday, May 03, 2005

I got tagged? what the heck does that mean?

ok, jared. you think you're funny? well, fine. i am going to completely screw up this tag thing, mainly b/c i don't get it and have no clue what i'm supposed to do with it. and since i have no life (or girlfriend with which to otherwise occupy my time) i am going to do them all for the sake of my pleasure and the reader'e entertainment.

If I could be a scientist... i would play with explosive compounds all day long and have no eybrows, and i would get payed for it in the name of science.
If I could be a farmer...i would have a big cattle ranch and would be the worlds #1 seller of viel (baby cows that people eat - it is supposedly more tender than regular beef)
If I could be a marine...i would kill bad guys and steal from Iraqi palaces.
If I could be a musician...i would play bass for a band that played country/rock music.
If I could be a doctor...i would be a surgeon that played with the little dangly thing in the back of peoples throats.
If I could be a painter...i would take canvass and shoot it with muti-colored paintballs. then i would sell it and make lots and lots of money. after that i would cut my nose off and fake my own suicide to be like all of the other famous artists and to drive up the prise of my art, which would make me even more money.
If I could be a gardener...i would grow tomatoes and squash by the side of a busy highway so that i could throw the tomatoes and squash at passing vehicles and people that annoy me.
If I could be a missionary...i would go to south america and fly an airplane and be the mechanic for a missionary that is already down there.
If i could be a yodeller...i would get huge speakers and sit in the parking lot of my school. i would then turn the speakers up all the way and yodel at the top of my cracking voice. then all of the teachers evil plans to brainwash the students would be foiled and i would be a national hero.
If I could be a chef...i would do what fred and george do it the harry potter books - make candy the blows up and gets kids out of class.
If I could be an architect...i would design the greatest structural advance in all mankind. it would revolutionize the way things are built. it would be called - the column.
If I could be a linguist...i would shoot myself.
If I could be a psychologist...i would tell people that they had problems that they didn't and prescribe perscriptions that they don't need so that i could get rich. wait - they already do that.
If I could be a librarian...i would toss snap pops on the ground and trow paper airplanes down the walkways. then i would yell at kids who giggled about it for making too much noise.
If I could be an athlete...duh, i would play ice hocky for the colorado avalanche.
If I could be a lawyer...i would sell my soul to satan early on to get it over with.
If I could be an innkeeper...i would have a haunted inn and would be one of the haunters. need i say more?
If I could be a would have to really suck.
If I could be a writer...well what the heck am i doing now? i would be a cartoonist, similar to "the far side".
If I could be a llama-rider...i would be the best spitter in all of the midwest.
If I could be a bonnie pirate...i would have "rum, rum, rum 'til i float" and would yell "surrender the booty, you scurvy dogs!" along with having a bonnie piratess girlfriend who would do the same.
If I could be a service member...i would be a navy seal.
If I could be a photographer...i would take pictures of sweet motorcycles and cars (with out the girls in the pictures)
If I could be a philanthropist...i would hoard all the money for myself.
If I could be a rap artist...rap artist - isn't that a contradiction? i would probably rap with a lisp.
If I could be a child actor...i would have to start my life over again and change my name.
If I could be a secret agent...i would have a cool car, a hot chic, a watch with a pistol and remote bomb detonator, and i would be rich and invincible. the girlfriend wouldn't be, though.
If I could be a comedian/comedienne...i would make fun of everybody, especially obese people, blonds, people who think that they are misunderstood, and people who take anti-depressants. i would also make fun of people with low self-esteem.
If I could be a priest...i would drink all of the sacramental whine and share the communion bread with my heathen brethren whilst i "reached out to their souls".
If I could be a radio announcer...i would be obnoxious and stupid, like all the rest of them.
If I could be a anatomy teacher would die of pure delight.
If I could be a pet store owner...i would sell animals that would eat their owners and then bring back their check books and credit cards.
If I could be a computer programmer...i would be a rich geekwith a cool car and an awesome house and have absolutely no idea how i got it all.
If I could be a police officer...i would gain 40lbs and start eating donuts and drinking coffee while sitting in my car at speed traps.

which bear am i?

You are the partier of the bunch! No matter what's going on, you can find a reason to throw a big bash. You're extremely outgoing and love to show others how to have a good time." target="_blank">Take the Which Care Bear Are You? Quiz!

Time for reader input

ok. at the end of the school year (or slightly before then), i am going to do something to my hair. right now i am thinking of getting it straightened and letting it grow out. i am also thinking of putting red highlights in it. what do you folks think? any suggestions? thanx.

your input is appreaciated; however, it will not be conduive to the choices that i make - my mind is pretty much made up. just fyi.