Tuesday, May 03, 2005

I got tagged? what the heck does that mean?

ok, jared. you think you're funny? well, fine. i am going to completely screw up this tag thing, mainly b/c i don't get it and have no clue what i'm supposed to do with it. and since i have no life (or girlfriend with which to otherwise occupy my time) i am going to do them all for the sake of my pleasure and the reader'e entertainment.

If I could be a scientist... i would play with explosive compounds all day long and have no eybrows, and i would get payed for it in the name of science.
If I could be a farmer...i would have a big cattle ranch and would be the worlds #1 seller of viel (baby cows that people eat - it is supposedly more tender than regular beef)
If I could be a marine...i would kill bad guys and steal from Iraqi palaces.
If I could be a musician...i would play bass for a band that played country/rock music.
If I could be a doctor...i would be a surgeon that played with the little dangly thing in the back of peoples throats.
If I could be a painter...i would take canvass and shoot it with muti-colored paintballs. then i would sell it and make lots and lots of money. after that i would cut my nose off and fake my own suicide to be like all of the other famous artists and to drive up the prise of my art, which would make me even more money.
If I could be a gardener...i would grow tomatoes and squash by the side of a busy highway so that i could throw the tomatoes and squash at passing vehicles and people that annoy me.
If I could be a missionary...i would go to south america and fly an airplane and be the mechanic for a missionary that is already down there.
If i could be a yodeller...i would get huge speakers and sit in the parking lot of my school. i would then turn the speakers up all the way and yodel at the top of my cracking voice. then all of the teachers evil plans to brainwash the students would be foiled and i would be a national hero.
If I could be a chef...i would do what fred and george do it the harry potter books - make candy the blows up and gets kids out of class.
If I could be an architect...i would design the greatest structural advance in all mankind. it would revolutionize the way things are built. it would be called - the column.
If I could be a linguist...i would shoot myself.
If I could be a psychologist...i would tell people that they had problems that they didn't and prescribe perscriptions that they don't need so that i could get rich. wait - they already do that.
If I could be a librarian...i would toss snap pops on the ground and trow paper airplanes down the walkways. then i would yell at kids who giggled about it for making too much noise.
If I could be an athlete...duh, i would play ice hocky for the colorado avalanche.
If I could be a lawyer...i would sell my soul to satan early on to get it over with.
If I could be an innkeeper...i would have a haunted inn and would be one of the haunters. need i say more?
If I could be a professor...life would have to really suck.
If I could be a writer...well what the heck am i doing now? i would be a cartoonist, similar to "the far side".
If I could be a llama-rider...i would be the best spitter in all of the midwest.
If I could be a bonnie pirate...i would have "rum, rum, rum 'til i float" and would yell "surrender the booty, you scurvy dogs!" along with having a bonnie piratess girlfriend who would do the same.
If I could be a service member...i would be a navy seal.
If I could be a photographer...i would take pictures of sweet motorcycles and cars (with out the girls in the pictures)
If I could be a philanthropist...i would hoard all the money for myself.
If I could be a rap artist...rap artist - isn't that a contradiction? i would probably rap with a lisp.
If I could be a child actor...i would have to start my life over again and change my name.
If I could be a secret agent...i would have a cool car, a hot chic, a watch with a pistol and remote bomb detonator, and i would be rich and invincible. the girlfriend wouldn't be, though.
If I could be a comedian/comedienne...i would make fun of everybody, especially obese people, blonds, people who think that they are misunderstood, and people who take anti-depressants. i would also make fun of people with low self-esteem.
If I could be a priest...i would drink all of the sacramental whine and share the communion bread with my heathen brethren whilst i "reached out to their souls".
If I could be a radio announcer...i would be obnoxious and stupid, like all the rest of them.
If I could be a phlebotomist...my anatomy teacher would die of pure delight.
If I could be a pet store owner...i would sell animals that would eat their owners and then bring back their check books and credit cards.
If I could be a computer programmer...i would be a rich geekwith a cool car and an awesome house and have absolutely no idea how i got it all.
If I could be a police officer...i would gain 40lbs and start eating donuts and drinking coffee while sitting in my car at speed traps.

11 Comments:

Blogger julio said...

actually, you only had to pick 5 of those,,,

Tuesday, May 03, 2005 8:57:00 PM  
Blogger julio said...

actually i enjoyed yours alot better than anyone elses! cracked me up. how long did you spend on that?!?!

Tuesday, May 03, 2005 9:03:00 PM  
Anonymous Lillian said...

Those are hilarious Joe! I was laughing so hared:)~

Tuesday, May 03, 2005 9:16:00 PM  
Anonymous Jessi said...

those are funny! i was definitely laughing, i'm glad you decided to do them all instead of just 5!

Tuesday, May 03, 2005 9:19:00 PM  
Anonymous Lillian said...

typo! i mean hard*

Tuesday, May 03, 2005 9:19:00 PM  
Blogger yoshi said...

it took me about 1/2 hour cause some of them i actually thought about. some.

Wednesday, May 04, 2005 7:28:00 AM  
Blogger Adrienne said...

wow, you have a lot of time on your hands. it was funny though, except for being a comedian, i am glad you wont be one of those.

Wednesday, May 04, 2005 11:25:00 PM  
Blogger yoshi said...

hey, somebody has to make fun of people or else it just won't get done.

Friday, May 06, 2005 7:00:00 AM  
Blogger mattharmless said...

I am just trying to picture you as a cop.

Yup. I can see that.

Tuesday, May 10, 2005 10:36:00 PM  
Blogger yoshi said...

hey harmless, do you think you could draw one of your caricatures of me and email it to me? those were so cool.

Wednesday, May 18, 2005 10:15:00 PM  
Blogger Muffin said...

lmao.... You have quiet and imagination....

Wednesday, May 25, 2005 8:02:00 AM  

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