scared vs sobered...

my mom had a stroke on tues night. thanks be to God, she is fine now and the docs say there was no damage from it.
looking back on that experience is pretty tough. to be honest, after everyone left that night and i was alone again, i realized that i was scared "poo"less. i had seen the look, the emts and paramedics and first responders and all that stuff, i'd watched em put her walk out and get on the gurney and them drive her off...and now i was alone and it all sank in. not a single goofy or stupid thing was going through my head to say. i couldn't think of anything to make me laugh. nothing seemed fun. there was no light in my eyes. as i lay there trying to get some sleep for the day ahead, it hit me. its so fast, so unpredictable....so final. she could've been gone for good that night. or it could have been my dad. or my bro. or somebody else i cared about. she was able to walk and talk somewhat shortly after it happened, but it could have been final. or she could've been parylized. or unable to speak. or something else. she was lucky. we all were lucky. God's plan only entailed what happened, and for that i'm very thankful.
to be honest, "why?" never crossed my mind. maybe it was just cause i was in shock. or because i knew i wouldn't be able to figure it out. my dreams last night deff expressed how i have felt for the last 2 days. i'm just glad taht she's gonna be ok, and that God has something in this. i don't know what it is, and i'm not scrutinizing everything trying to find what it is. i know when He's ready for me to see it, i'll see it.

oh...and the next time i see some kid or teenager backtalk their mother...i'm gonna smack the fire outa them. you only get one mom. and she's worth way more than you'll ever know.