scared vs sobered...

my mom had a stroke on tues night. thanks be to God, she is fine now and the docs say there was no damage from it.
looking back on that experience is pretty tough. to be honest, after everyone left that night and i was alone again, i realized that i was scared "poo"less. i had seen the look, the emts and paramedics and first responders and all that stuff, i'd watched em put her walk out and get on the gurney and them drive her off...and now i was alone and it all sank in. not a single goofy or stupid thing was going through my head to say. i couldn't think of anything to make me laugh. nothing seemed fun. there was no light in my eyes. as i lay there trying to get some sleep for the day ahead, it hit me. its so fast, so unpredictable....so final. she could've been gone for good that night. or it could have been my dad. or my bro. or somebody else i cared about. she was able to walk and talk somewhat shortly after it happened, but it could have been final. or she could've been parylized. or unable to speak. or something else. she was lucky. we all were lucky. God's plan only entailed what happened, and for that i'm very thankful.
to be honest, "why?" never crossed my mind. maybe it was just cause i was in shock. or because i knew i wouldn't be able to figure it out. my dreams last night deff expressed how i have felt for the last 2 days. i'm just glad taht she's gonna be ok, and that God has something in this. i don't know what it is, and i'm not scrutinizing everything trying to find what it is. i know when He's ready for me to see it, i'll see it.

oh...and the next time i see some kid or teenager backtalk their mother...i'm gonna smack the fire outa them. you only get one mom. and she's worth way more than you'll ever know.

fog

on my way home from some more good time tonight, i had the great chance to be able to drive through some fog. i love fog. i don't know why, but i have always liked it. something about driving through it and seeing the layers is just really kewl. you can see and then all is white. its really kewl when you get up and you can hardly see anything. and then the sun comes up and burns through it. or youre on the water, like a lake or something. and you're canoe seems to be just floating in a haze cause there's a layer of fog on the water. (now don't everybody be a smart-face and say well duh you're floating on the water...shuddup.)you can see your chest cause you've got some stupid life jacket on, but then everything kinda fades into a haze (caused but nature, not reefer).
another thing that's kewl about fog...you don't usually find it in the city. at least, nothing like out in the country. (the city sux hard core - you can't enjoy nature at all) out in the boonies, you can see the fog rolling along with the landscape.
i ran out of things to say about fog. the end.

well gosh, its been a while

well hi there, kids!!! did ya miss me? i was talking to nate a while back, and the issue of blogs came up. and i thought, oh crap, i have one of those. and i used to write on it all the time. i should get back into that. so i'm back...hopefully. don't get too excited about it. i'll try to come up with something worthwhile to post about once in a while. later, foos.